When a couple is working on their marriage, there are often two major roadblocks.

Getting started is the first one.

And after couples get past that hurdle, things start to feel better.

They’re kissing again, making breakfast together, and having more honest conversations.

She’s thinking, “We’re back to being a team again.”

And then the second roadblock can almost come out of nowhere.

That’s when he slides back to his old ways of going quiet.

Where he won’t say what’s bothering him.

And there’s no more kissing or eating together.

Which leaves her thinking, “Oh no. I’m on my own again.”

If you’ve gone through this before, then it’s natural to question if any of that progress was real.

“Did he just go along with it for a while to make me happy?”

“Is this who he really is, and I just fooled myself into thinking we were changing?”

It’s normal to feel manipulated in this situation, but here’s something that I don’t think gets said enough:

Some backslide is normal.

And it doesn’t mean that you’ve failed at making progress in your relationship.

It’s like getting physical therapy after an injury.

At first, just moving your shoulder without pain can feel like a miracle.

But as you use the muscle more, it gets sore.

You hit setbacks.

That doesn’t mean the progress was fake, just that some level of discomfort is normal.

(Now I’m talking about marriage again.)

Because we’re all human beings. 

And it’s inevitable that we’re going to hurt and disappoint each other sometimes.

Even after making big changes in our relationship.

Some husbands really do try to take advantage of their wives.

But in my experience, most husbands are making good-faith efforts.

And their backslides have more to do with their own pain than anything their wife did or didn’t do.

Regardless of his intentions, you don’t have to just grin and bear it.

When you’re in that “here we go again” moment, it’s hard to think clearly.

So here’s something you can do to steady the ship and put things back into perspective.

When you’re making changes in your relationship, instead of hoping things go perfectly and then getting disappointed when they don’t…

Expect the backslide. And plan for it.

When things start feeling better in your marriage, it’s easy to think, “We’re finally out of the woods.”

But when you catch yourself thinking that, add this reminder:

“This is going to feel good for a while. And then we’ll hit a tough spot. And when we do, it won’t mean we failed because every relationship goes through ups and downs.”

And when you hit that tough spot, plan to do something for yourself.

Call a friend. Visit your favorite coffee shop. Give yourself some grace.

These small things help you stay grounded so you don’t lose sight of the big picture.

So afterward you can look at the situation more clearly.

And decide if his actions are something you’re still willing to work through.

Because the reality is that all relationships have ups and downs. 

And it’s up to you to decide what feels acceptable.

So when your husband falls back on old habits after making some progress, remember that some challenges can feel like the end of a relationship…

When they’re actually just roadblocks on the way to long-lasting change.