Scary movies have an important thing in common with some confusing and painful husband behaviors.

Like when a movie character walks into a dark room, and then the music changes to become more ominous.

You can tell that something bad is about to happen.

And if you're like me, you might even look away.

This is more or less what happens when husbands pull away when things seem to be going well.

Maybe you've had a nice weekend together at the beach. 

You're talking and holding hands in a way you haven't in a while.

Then you say something like, "This was a really nice day."

And you hope that he agrees with you, and this moment keeps going.

But instead he says, "Next time, maybe we can do something I want to do for once."

And just like that, all the closeness is gone.

Why would he say something like that when you both seemed happy?

For some men, feeling close and having things go well is the scary part.

It's the music changing in the scary movie.

He can sense things are getting more intimate. 

He can enjoy that closeness, and at the same time the feeling can be so intense that it scares him. 

Saying something rude is one way he can push back on those feelings.

Like looking away from the movie.

He might even be thinking, "What's going to happen now? What if it’s bad and it’s my fault? I can't stand this. I'm just going to say something now and get it over with."

For a lot of men, feeling distant in a relationship is familiar and comfortable. 

They know how to deal with it, especially if that's how they've felt in other relationships.

Feeling close is less familiar, and when you don't know what happens next, it’s easier to assume the worst.

It even happened to me when I was younger.

Things would be going well with someone, and I'd back away until the relationship cooled off. And I couldn't have told you why.

When you see this kind of behavior, it can look like your husband is just being a jerk.

I'm not saying he's not being a jerk, but there still might be an important reason for why he's doing it.

The timing can tell you a lot. If it happens when things are getting better between you, that's a sign he got scared.

Most of the time, he probably isn't choosing to do this. It's the same kind of instinct as turning away from the movie.

But it can still feel like he doesn't want to be with you.

After all, why else wouldn't he want to be close to you?

It's still the same answer: he's scared.

This means getting and staying close can be a challenge, and things aren’t likely to change on their own. 

Because getting him to talk about his feelings is the exact thing he's trying to avoid.

But with planning and support, it is possible to talk about this with a husband who would rather look away when feelings get intense.

The next time he pulls away right when things are going well, it might not hurt any less, but it's worth remembering why people look away during a scary movie.

It's because they care about what happens next.