One of the most delicate times in a marriage is when a wife is overwhelmed, and her husband is trying to get closer at the same time that she's completely tapped out.

Maybe they've got young kids and her body feels like a playground all day, or she's neck deep in work projects, while still managing the house and getting dinner on the table. Either way, her life is filled to the brim.

So when her husband reaches out to touch her, part of her is thinking, "I don’t have time for this."

She gently pushes his hand away, and says, "Not now."

"Okay,” he says, “Of course."

But she can see the hurt, and she feels both guilty and frustrated by it: "I don't want to hurt him, but why can't he see that I just can't do this right now?"

Nobody is doing anything wrong here. 

Because it’s normal for him to want to be close with his wife.

And yet, when she's overwhelmed, she's overwhelmed. And that's all there is to it.

If you've been in this confusing spot, here's something that might help.

Men don’t always pick up on what you mean. 

In your head you might be thinking, "I would love to, just not right this second." 

But in the moment, all he sees is you pulling away.

So what he hears is, "She doesn't want me." 

Then part of him gets scared. "Maybe she doesn't want me at all anymore,” he wonders. “What did I do? Is it the way I look? Something I said?"

You might’ve felt something similar at times. Many wives have stretches of feeling invisible or unwanted, and this is how he can end up in the same place.

It's not your job to explain all of this in the moment, and you probably couldn't do it anyway. He needs more reassurance than you've got when you're stretched thin.

That’s why a lot of men start to pull back.

They don’t know what to say so they say nothing. And they start reaching less often too. 

Because it's scary for someone to feel like they're not wanted by the person they love, even if that fear only lasts for a moment.

Even my wife and I hit these stretches sometimes. 

Especially when our daughter's been sick, we’ll barely have the energy to nod to each other.

The path out of this situation is to stop trying to solve everything in the moment.

Even if you manage to say, "I'm sorry, can we do something later?", he might still get that sad puppy-dog look, because he's still getting the message that "she doesn't want me."

What works better is finding time later to figure out together what closeness could look like for both of you right now. 

That might have to be through text or a call if you’re busy enough.

You might just say, "This is something I really want. Can we figure it out together?"

It’s never too late to have this conversation. 

Even if it’s been so long that he doesn’t bring it up anymore and he doesn’t reach the way he used to.

Once you've made a plan to feel closer, gently pushing his hand away doesn’t feel so scary.

He doesn’t have to wonder if he’s being shut out, because you both know there’s time for you to come back together. 

And you both have something to look forward to.