Most of us know the big things we're supposed to do for our marriage.

Schedule regular date nights. Talk about our feelings. Make up after arguments.

That stuff is all well and good, and it helps couples stay on the same page. 

But there are other things that are quick and can keep a marriage feeling close even when life gets hectic.

My wife and I are in the middle of starting a small school in our little Texas town. 

It'll only have 8 students, including our daughter, but the paperwork and setting up the classroom eat up a good chunk of our time.

As a marriage coach, I've seen firsthand what keeps couples close in a busy season like this. 

Because it doesn't take long for a couple to get buried in to-do lists and start living parallel lives, right next to each other but never feeling close.

The things on this list don't take much time, but they've kept my marriage close even when we can't get out for a date. 

And they might do the same for yours.

I fill up her water bottle when I notice it's low, and I drop in a couple of ice cubes because I know she likes her water cold. It takes a minute, but it's one more thing she doesn't have to think about.

It took me years to understand how much this matters. I used to wait to be asked, or I'd ask her, "What can I do to help?"

One day she told me, "If you think something might help, please just do it. I don't want to have to decide for you."

That was a lightbulb moment for me.

A lot of husbands haven't had it yet, because we figure that if we do something and get it wrong, it's almost worse than not doing it at all. So we wait for permission.

Now I just do the thing. 

Whether she notices or not is beside the point. I'm protecting her time and energy the same way that she protects mine.

This one's new for me, and I think it makes a big difference. 

I'll think of a disagreement that didn't end the way I wanted. Then I bring it up, and take responsibility for what I did, regardless of my intentions.

I apologize, and I commit to doing things differently.

Working with couples has taught me that waiting for feelings to die down doesn't count as an apology. 

When nobody takes responsibility, you're left with the feeling that nothing ever gets resolved. 

Going back and owning your old mistakes, even now, is one way to clear the air.

This is a big one for sharing the mental load. For us, one of the hardest decisions is figuring out what to eat. 

So when I tell my wife, "Don't worry, I've got dinner," I can see the relief on her face.

I used to think being up for anything made life easier for her. 

But it still leaves her doing the actual work; thinking of options, waiting for my thumbs up, then making or ordering the meal. 

Even when I help with the groceries or the cooking, the planning is still on her, and that's an effort that most men don't notice.

Now I try to make the planning my job too.

There's never enough time to really talk, so we squeeze it into whatever moment we've got.

In the morning when we’re putting in our contacts, we’ll talk about a book I'm reading or a show she's watching.

This is an underrated move, because it's so low-stakes that we can do it almost any time, and that makes it easy to open up. 

Talking about what we're into is how we stay connected to each other's inner world without having to save it for some big date-night conversation.

Plus, we usually walk away with something new to check out.

None of these things take much time or have to be scheduled. That's exactly why we can keep doing them no matter what else is going on.

And if your husband isn't doing any of them right now, it doesn't mean he doesn't care.

I haven't always done these things, and it was never because my feelings for my wife had changed. 

I just didn't know how much the small stuff adds up. A lot of men think closeness comes from big moments and grand gestures, so the small things never occur to them.

But it's the small things that say, "I see what you're going through, and I want to be right there with you."

And the best part is that they can start in just a few seconds on any random day.