Sometimes wives get worried that their husband is happier without them.

Because he's off doing his own thing most of the time.

Working, golfing, and hanging out with his friends.

And when she tries to get closer to him, he gets frustrated.

He tells her he's too "busy" to talk and do the things she wants to do.

So she feels like she's not invited into his world.

And she has to wonder: Does he actually prefer not having her around?

Which seems kind of absurd.

Because she's not asking for a lot.

She doesn’t need him to spend all his time with her.

But she does want to feel like they're on the same team.

That he notices the distance between them the same way she does.

And he wants to do something about it, just like her.

When men act like they're happy staying inside their own little world, it looks like he's content.

Like this is what he wants.

But in my experience, men who do this aren't happy.

They're hiding.

It's like when a guy is walking down the street and rain comes pouring down.

So he ducks under a doorway, and he tries to wait it out.

He could try to make a run for it, but then he'll get soaked and feel miserable.

So he keeps waiting.

Hiding there keeps him dry, but he doesn't want to stay there forever.

It's the least bad option he can see.

And that's what happens with men who stay stuck in their own world.

Most of the time, they want to step outside of it.

Even if they don’t say it, a lot of men want to feel close to their partner and share more of their life with her.

But if he doesn't know how to get to that place…

Then he's going to keep hiding where he feels relatively safe.

I think it’s important to talk about this because I know what happens when a husband acts this way for a while. 

His wife wonders if he still wants to be with her.

She naturally starts to think about how much more effort she’s willing to give.

And whether their marriage is still worth fighting for. 

Those are major decisions, and they deserve to be made with the full picture. 

Not just what things look like from the outside.

Here's a question that pops up sometimes:

How can you tell if a husband is hiding, instead of just being done with the marriage?

That's an important question and I want to be careful answering it.

Because I don't really work with men who are truly finished with their marriage.

(They don't usually agree to coaching.)

But one thing about husbands who are checked out is that they don't care whether things change.

Because they’re fine with how things are.

So if your husband still gets frustrated, or acts like he wishes things were different (even if it comes out in passive-aggressive comments)...

In a way, that's a good sign.

It shows that he still cares, and he wishes things were different.

So if your husband is always doing his own thing and he seems too busy for you, he could be checked out.

But there's also a good chance that he's wanting things to change.