When you miss feeling head over heels in your marriage

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There’s something people say about marriage so often that it starts to sound like the truth…

That the love you feel for your husband is supposed to fade into something flat and steady.

Someone recently described this to me as feeling stuck in “neutral.”

It’s that place where you still love your husband, but you haven’t felt any thrills since the kids and endless responsibilities took over.

Most advice out there says to make peace with this stage… and that can help.

But it’s not the only option.

Just because you feel stuck doesn’t mean you have to stay there.

If you want to move toward that head-over-heels feeling again, here are four strategies that can help.

4 ways to feel more head over heels in love with your husband again

1. Shift from analysis to appreciation

Appreciation is one of the most powerful ways to reconnect with your husband, but many of us approach it like a checklist.

We think about what we’re grateful for, and we name what he did well.

And while that’s useful, that kind of analysis rarely reaches your heart.

Instead, try asking yourself, “What did I genuinely appreciate about him today? What made me smile?”

Then pause and notice where you feel that appreciation in your body.

Is it a warmth in your chest? A softening somewhere inside you?

That’s where the feeling of love lives within you.

And the more you practice holding onto that feeling, the easier it becomes to feel and the stronger it grows.

2. Create micro-moments of affection

You don’t need a romantic getaway to feel in love again.

And honestly, waiting for one can delay the warmth you’re craving.

So start smaller.

Check in with him if he’s open to spontaneous 3-breath hugs.

Offer a gentle hand on his back, or a quick shoulder squeeze while passing in the hallway.

These tiny moments of contact can reignite the physical affection and connection that often gets buried in the daily grind.

3. Remember what made your heart leap

If the playful and romantic days of your relationship feel far away, it’s time to bring that feeling back.

Remember a candlelit dinner you shared. A camping trip you barely survived together. The first time you kissed.

Take five minutes to picture the memory, and let yourself feel what you felt then.

The point isn’t to recreate that moment but to remember how it’s still a part of you.

Reconnecting with these memories can also help motivate you to keep working at bringing those feelings back into the present.

4. Bring in more joy for yourself

When your marriage feels flat, it’s natural to look to your husband for change.

But sometimes, the magic returns when you stop waiting and start doing things that light you up.

One of my clients felt heartbroken seeing other couples holding hands, while she and her husband had spent years barely talking.

Instead of confronting him, she found more connection in her friendships and Bible study group.

That shift helped her stop waiting for him to change, which took some pressure off of him.

And within a couple of weeks, they started sharing happy walks and deeper talks again.

If you want to feel a similar shift, try doing one thing that brings you joy (especially something active or social).

You might find that feeling good on your own makes it easier to see your husband with more love and tenderness.

And that’s how you can feel more love again.

You don’t have to force anything or wait for a big breakthrough to feel more in love.

Start small, and let the warmth return gradually.

I’m not going to promise that you’ll feel like lovestruck teenagers again.

But with time, the love you remember can show up again in laughs, tender touches, and happy moments that remind you both of what you’ve built together.

And if life feels too overwhelming to try any of this right now, that’s okay.

The love in your marriage doesn’t evaporate overnight.

It can wait until you’re ready to reach for it again.