A lot of husbands want their wives to have fun.

"Go have a night out with your girlfriends," he'll say.

But good luck having a fun night out with him.

Because he always seems too tired or stressed to do anything. 

And if he does make it to a date night, he'll keep sneaking peeks at his phone. 

Or have his head in the clouds.

So the whole thing feels like a waste of time.

Which can make it feel like some couples just can't have fun anymore.

So what gives?

Fizzled date nights like this are usually a sign that he's struggling with two things. 

And until those two things change, it's going to be hard to have fun together, regardless of where you go or what you do.

There's a lot going on in men's heads (even when it doesn't look like it).

Sports stats and movie quotes can take up a lot of space. 

And then the bigger stuff, like work stress, money worries, and all the emotional baggage he's pretending doesn't bother him.

Men generally don't know what to do with their feelings. 

So they just keep chewing on whatever's bothering them without ever really getting past it. 

And when there's a lot on his mind, relaxing can feel almost impossible. 

That's one reason he can be mentally checked out while you’re literally riding a ferris wheel together.

The other thing that makes having fun hard for some men is that being relaxed and playful means that he has to let go of a mask he’s used to wearing.

Because for a lot of men, looking strong in front of their wife is almost reflexive. 

He does it so often that he probably doesn’t think about it anymore.

The problem is that when he's already stressed and worried, projecting that image takes everything he's got. 

There's nothing left over for fun.

So the more that he's got on his mind, the harder it is to let down his guard. 

And then having fun feels out of reach, while on the outside it just looks like he’d rather be doing something else.

The mistake a lot of couples make is assuming that a bowling alley or a nice restaurant will make it easier to have fun. 

But being able to relax and have fun together isn't a switch you can flip.

It's more like a muscle.

And if your husband hasn’t used his in a while, he won’t be able to do some heavy lifting at the drop of a hat.

He’ll need to build up to it.

Which isn’t as hard as it sounds.

Start by doing little things that help him smile.

Like bringing up funny memories or a joke you heard.

Doing an activity that gets both of your juices flowing is also great.

Challenging him to a ping pong game, for example, will force you both to pay attention to each other. 

You can’t be stuck in your head when you’re trying to return a serve.

Do a few of these smaller things first. 

By then, you’ll be ready to try a night out again.

And if he still seems distracted before you go out, check in with him.

Ask him if he's feeling up for it. 

He might share what's been weighing on him. 

Which can help him get it off his chest enough so he can relax.

And that’s how you’ll both have more fun together.