What can happen when you keep biting your tongue around your husband

A lot of wives do this when their husbands get on their nerves… but I think many would stop if they understood what it does.

I’m talking about when wives are trying to keep the peace.

Like when their husband comes home, pulls out his phone, and asks when dinner will be ready… instead of checking on her or (gasp!) asking how he can help.

She wants him to understand how frustrated and disappointed she feels

But a voice in her head says, “Don’t start anything.”

So she takes a few deep breaths and lets it go.

But here’s what I wish more wives understood:

Nobody really lets it go.

Because here’s what really happens to those wives.

They replay the moment and all the things he said.

So even though they bit their tongue to avoid a fight…

They’re still frustrated and disappointed.

And the pressure inside them builds.

They stay quiet for all the “right” reasons:

Trying to be kind and strong and calm. 

Because the last thing they want to do is blow up or push him further away.

And that makes total sense. 

Especially if past conversations made things worse.

When staying quiet feels like the safest option, of course they’ll keep doing that.

And if you’re going through a tough time where doing anything else feels too hard…

There’s no shame in that.

You’re doing the best you can.

What I’m about to share can wait until you feel ready, whether that’s in an hour or six months from now.

And if the time comes and you do feel ready to try something different…

Here’s what I would say:

The silence we’ve been talking about, where wives stay quiet instead of speaking up.

It has every good intention behind it.

But it doesn’t usually lead to the changes that most wives want.

It’s what I call the Pressure Cooker Defense.

And here’s the catch:

Staying quiet doesn’t release pressure… it stores it.

And stored pressure always finds a way out.

Sometimes it comes out in sarcastic comments. 

Or suddenly yelling over the smallest things.

Which often leads to confusion and shame, like, “Where did that come from?”

And so wives will end up feeling even more confused and ashamed afterward.

If you’ve gone through this, then I want you to know that it’s perfectly normal.

And it’s definitely not because you’re “too emotional.”

(Unless you consider all humans “too emotional" because the truth is that men do the same thing).

Those outbursts are what happens when someone has held in a lot of feelings for a long time.

And if you’d like to stop these big swings, and feel like you have more choice in how you respond…

Here’s one way to do that.

And I love this way because it helps stop things from blowing up by actually being more honest about how you feel.

Here’s the 3-step method:

1. Describe what’s happening.

When you catch yourself biting your tongue, try saying this to yourself, “I’m doing the thing where I’m pretending I’m fine.” 

Just practicing that kind of awareness can ease the pressure and help you feel less frustrated.

2. Make space to be honest.

Instead of holding in your feelings, let your husband know you want to share something. 

“Can I share something real quick? I want to get it out now and not make a bigger deal later.”

Or you could say, “I want to share something that just came up. If you’re okay with it, I’d like to say something now before it weighs on me.”

Use these words or tweak them so they feel natural to you.

3. Say what’s weighing on you.

The goal isn’t to share every feeling inside you, but to clearly and directly say what’s weighing on you.

For the dinner example, it might sound like:

“It threw me a little that you asked about dinner before asking how I’m doing. I’m not trying to make it a big deal but I want to feel like I matter too.”

Optional: Make a request.

You might add: “Would you be willing to ask me how I’m doing first next time?”

This can feel as awkward as speaking a new language the first few times.

And he might not respond the way you hope.

That’s okay! It doesn’t mean you messed up, only that you’re trying something new.

If you can stick with it, opening up will start to feel more comfortable.

And instead of stirring up more arguments, it’ll help you feel more present and accepted.

Because your husband will start to learn what you need from him.

And you can start being more honest, without hiding your feelings or holding on to them until they explode.

Which is how you can protect your well-being and your relationship.