How to feel less triggered by your husband starting today

One of the hardest parts of feeling triggered is how powerless it can make you feel.

Like when you’re pushing through a busy day and then your husband makes an offhand comment about your cooking…

Then suddenly you’re saying mean things you wish you could take back.

And afterward you’re left wondering, “What just happened to me?”

Many of the women I work with feel stuck in this frustrating cycle. 

And they assume the only way out is for their husband to start doing things differently…

If only he would read the right book, go to therapy, or speak with more compassion.

But here’s what I’ve learned from years of working with clients (and on my own marriage):

You don’t have to wait for your husband to change in order to feel less triggered.

There are small shifts you can make before, during, and after those tough moments to help you feel more grounded and less reactive. 

I’m not going to lie: You won’t completely stop feeling triggered.

But you can make the experience a LOT less likely to derail an entire day or week.

Here’s how to start.

5 ways to feel less triggered by your husband starting today

1. Make sense of the trigger

Say you’re packing for a trip and getting all the outfits, snacks, and emergency supplies you might need.

Your husband walks in and says, “You’re packing way too much.”

If something flares up inside of you, this probably isn’t the first time you’ve felt judged for being careful. 

Maybe you grew up with someone who rolled their eyes at your planning, or made you feel like being prepared was “overdoing it.”

This history is the reason why a small comment can hurt so much.

It will almost certainly feel uncomfortable to look these patterns in the face…

But once you understand the story behind your reaction, it gets easier to treat yourself with more compassion and less judgment.

2. Practice feeling it ahead of time

Here’s something I learned from working with emotions coach Jessica Rozak: 

Imagine a moment that triggers you, and let yourself feel whatever emotions comes up. It might be embarrassment, frustration, fear, or something else.

Don’t try to fix or push away your feelings. Just notice them for a few seconds. 

Then come back to the present and take a deep breath.

This practice is like dipping your legs into a pool to prepare your body for the cold water.

Because when you become used to feeling certain emotions, they become less overwhelming in real time. 

So you won’t feel as panicked or upset when the trigger comes.

3. Make a plan before it happens

If you know something tends to set you off, have a go-to move primed and ready. 

It doesn’t need to be a five-part routine, just something small.

Step outside. Drink some water. Turn on music. Text a friend.

Lately, I’ve found that movement really helps me. 

A full-body stretch can release tension. And when that’s not possible, I’ll put my hand on my chest and gently rub it. 

Feeling my heartbeat brings me back to my body and helps me feel safe.

You don’t need to plan anything big for when you feel triggered, just something that reminds your nervous system that you’re okay.

4. Use a phrase that grounds you

Sometimes a few words can help you hold steady in a hard moment.

Try something like:

• “His reaction is about his feelings, not my worth.”

• “I’ve felt this before. I can handle it.”

• “It makes sense this is hard.”

If you don’t fully believe these phrases, you can add a qualifier: “I’m trying to remind myself that…” or “I’m experimenting with the idea that…”

Pick something that feels right for you.

It might not seem like much, but acknowledging your own reaction — even with a qualifier — can offer a sense of grounding when your emotions are building up.

5. Reflect and adjust

After a tough moment passes, take a few minutes to reflect:

• What made it seem hard? (Were you already tired or stressed?)

• What helped? What didn’t?

• What else can you try next time?

For the trip example, you might realize you’d rather pack on your own, or that taking a quiet moment before starting helps you feel calmer.

Little adjustments like these can add up to a lot more steadiness over time.

The truth is that nobody can “turn off” their triggers. 

But you can stop feeling like everything will fall apart when they show up.

Whether your husband is working on himself or not, you can still make these small, practical shifts to help you feel more grounded and accepting of everything that comes up for you.

Which makes your triggers feel less scary and less intense… 

So all those tough moments become less and less likely to get between you and your husband.