Do this one thing before talking to your husband about your marriage

Some wives finally work up the nerve to say it.

That things have to change.

Because they’ve been feeling alone in their marriage for a while now… and they’re finally ready to talk to their husband about it.

But even as they think about starting the conversation, they feel a knot in their stomach.

What if he gets angry? What if he walks away? What if we both say things we can’t come back from?

Well, here’s something I wish more women knew before they sit down to talk.

You can plan what you’ll do when things get heated.

And I’m not talking about taking deep breaths to calm yourself.

No, what most people need is a quick way to release pressure when the conversation starts to boils over.

If you’ve done some work on yourself then you probably know something about this.

How when emotions rise, our nervous systems go into fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. 

A lot of husbands (maybe yours too) go into flight.

They’ll try to end the conversation, or they’ll just walk away. (I used to do this too.)

And when that happens during a big relationship talk, it can feel like everything’s falling apart.

Like he’s abandoning you right when it matters most.

It’s a terrible feeling, especially if it’s happened before.

So instead of hoping that it won’t happen again and then feeling devastated when it does…

I think all couples should expect it.

And plan for it.

By preparing for the moment your nervous systems hit the panic button.

Do this before every big relationship talk

You and your husband need to agree on two things:

1. What you’ll each do when things get heated.

2. When and where you’ll come back together to resume the conversation. 

I suggest choosing separate rooms in the house (or a nearby spot) to go cool off. That’s where deep breaths can be more helpful.

Then resume the conversation as soon as you both feel ready. Usually somewhere between 15 minutes and an hour is a good rule of thumb.

Think of it like an earthquake drill.

If the ground starts shaking and you don’t have a plan, your body will go into panic mode even if it’s not a full-blown emergency.

But if you know to duck under a table (something I learned growing up in California)...

Then it’s easier to stay calm.

You know what to do. And that helps you feel safer.

This strategy works especially well with husbands who fit what I call the “lone wolf” archetype because they’re ultra independent and quick to shut things down when they feel out of control.

For them, this strategy is like a “time-out” button.

Even if he never pushes it, just knowing it’s there makes the conversation feel safer because he has a way to slow things down without walking away forever.

Talking to your husband about your relationship is scary. 

And the truth is you can’t control how he’s going to react. 

This is one way to use that uncertainty to help you both feel safer. 

When he has a way to hit pause, he’s more likely to open up.

And when that time out is part of the plan, a sudden detour won’t feel like the conversation is going off the rails. 

It’ll feel like you’re both staying on track, even when things are hard.