When a man gets a scary health diagnosis, sometimes his wife will spring into action.

She'll schedule appointments, pick up medications, and pore over research.

But when she tries to talk to him about any of it…

He has nothing to say.

And he's not sure he wants to take his medicine or see another doctor.

So now she's scared about his health AND the fact that she might have to push him every step of the way through this thing.

For any wife in this position now, here's something worth knowing before you try to talk to him next.

When a man digs in his heels when it comes to doing something about his health, there's often a struggle going on inside of him.

Because he's not just facing the facts of the diagnosis.

He's grappling with a new reality where he might not be as strong as he's always thought of himself.

For many men, part of what makes them feel like a man is feeling like they're capable and in control of their lives.

A scary diagnosis pulls that rug out from under him.

And leaves him facing feelings like fear, grief, and confusion, that he's spent most of his life hiding from.

So when his wife asks him to take medicine or talk to another doctor…

He's not just hearing an invitation to do the logical thing that'll help him recover or feel better.

He's facing a painful reminder that he's not the man he used to be.

And that's why he refuses to get a second opinion, or talk about how he's feeling.

Instead of trying to get him to open up about his diagnosis or health, take a sideways approach.

Ask him to talk about anything.

If he's sitting in front of the television, sit down next to him and ask about what he's watching.

Let him tell you about the show, or what's happening in the game.

He might say that he wants to be alone. If he does, respect his wish.

But chances are, he doesn't want to face this alone.

He wants to talk about everything he's going through.

But he doesn't know how, and he's afraid of being pushed into it.

So don't push him.

Let the silence linger. 

Or ask another question about the show, or a book, or something else he cares about.

Because once he realizes he isn't going to be pushed into taking a pill or talking about something he's not ready to face…

His guard will come down a little.

And that's when he'll be more willing to say something like, "You know, I was thinking about what you said about the medication. Maybe it is worth trying."

It might take multiple conversations to get to that point.

And when you do get that opening, try not to push again.

You can offer a suggestion, but he's going to be more likely to consider it if he knows that it's his choice.

That could sound like:

"I found a doctor who has a lot of experience with this. I could give her a call if you want, but it's your choice."

That's how you can give him enough space to face the situation on his own terms.

For a lot of men, that's the only way they'll actually get there.