How to discover what’s missing in your life and make a plan to get it back
Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Or feel like something important is missing from your life?
These are signs you need more self-care.
Self-care is how we take care of our physical and mental well-being, yet few of us make it a priority, especially during the holidays.
Some people never learn how to practice self-care in the first place, so they often feel like something’s WRONG with their life. That feeling will stress any person and any relationship.
But what if you knew how to give yourself everything you needed?
How would your life change if you started getting more rest? Found more purpose? Had more fun?
What kind of partner would you become?
What kind of person would you become?
Learning how to practice meaningful self-care is one of the best things you can do for your relationship and one of the best things you can do for yourself.
And you’ve come to the right place to start learning REAL self-care.
I’m not talking about lighting a candle, hopping into a bubble bath, and calling it a day. Bubble baths are great, but they can’t help you 1) Discover what’s missing from your life, and 2) Make a plan to get it back.
Our Self-Care Blueprint shows you how to do all of that in about 20 minutes. Consider it our gift to you, and keep reading for the behind-the-scenes tour of how it works.
How to practice self-care that refills what your’re missing
Self-care is challenging because it’s super hard to have the self-awareness to know what your life is missing, and find the self-compassion to take action and get it back.
This guide outsources those tough parts so all you have to do is follow the steps to start a self-care practice that gives you what you really need.
Let’s get started!
Step 1
Read this Needs Sheet [download here] that lists everything you require to thrive in life. Write down 1-3 needs that feel the MOST IMPORTANT to you RIGHT NOW.
These are your most pressing unmet needs. If you can satisfy them, you’re going to feel A LOT better.
Step 2
Choose one unmet need to focus on satisfying (you’ll get to the others later). Make a list of EVERYTHING you can do to satisfy this need. What can you do right now? By yourself?
Ask yourself, “If I could wave a magic wand and make anything happen, what would I do with that power?” Write down everything that comes to mind.
Each action you write is a “strategy,” or a possible way to satisfy your unmet need. Strategies that don’t need time or help from others are easier to use and therefore more likely to help.
Step 3
Review your list. Write “1” next to a strategy on your list you can do immediately (or soon). Write “2” beside the next soonest strategy you can do. Continue numbering everything on your list.
Step 4
Rewrite your list in descending order with the “1” strategy at the top. You now have a to-do list of ways to satisfy your unmet need.
Repeat Steps 2-5 with the other unmet needs from Step 1.
Congratulations, you now have a Self-Care Blueprint of MEANINGFUL ways to care for yourself!
This is what self-care looks like
Here’s my version of this exercise.
I focused on my unmet need for space, which led me to this list of strategies:
Go to my room and close the door (1)
Go to a coffee shop (2)
Take a bubble bath (3)
Rent a hotel for a solo staycation (4)
Ask Sunaina to take our daughter on a trip without me (5)
Travel to see a friend on my own (6)
Rent an office space to work out of (7)
Move our family to a cabin in the woods (8)
It took me less than 10 minutes to create AN ACTUAL PLAN to fulfill my most pressing need, and I can start it today.
Awesome, right?!
Now it’s your turn.
Download the Self-Care Blueprint, and refill what’s missing in your life.
Self-care tips and other things to remember
Start with your most pressing need: If you’re struggling to satisfy an unmet need, you might have a MORE important need that needs to be satisfied first. Use the Self-Care Blueprint to uncover that unmet need, and then satisfy it before moving on to others.
Schedule your strategies: Like any other to-do list, the Self-Care Blueprint only works if you use it. Schedule strategies on your calendar to ensure you’ll do them. If you don’t want to put a strategy on your calendar, go down your list until you find one you’re willing to schedule.
Small acts add up: Small acts of self-care can make a big difference in how you feel, which is why we encourage you to start with strategies that you can do quickly and easily. If they help, keep doing them!
Go big if you have to: Some of your self-care strategies might seem silly or extreme, but consider trying them anyway if nothing else is helping. Moving across the country or quitting a job might seem like an unreasonable way to satisfy a need, but people do that every day! Extreme strategies can be necessary to satisfy extremely important needs.
You are a living, breathing human being, so you’ll always have needs that require satisfying. That kind of sucks (when will it END?!?), but now you have a method to create an effective regular self-care practice.
That will reduce stress on you AND your relationship.
Some needs go unmet for so long that they require a lot of time and effort to feel satisfied. You might need to use multiple strategies or repeat helpful ones.
I use many strategies to satisfy my need for space, and I repeat some strategies regularly, like going to a coffee shop several times a week.
As you find and use more strategies that satisfy your needs, you are building up a regular self-care practice to refill the things that inevitably go missing in your life.
Everyone finds different ways to take care of their physical and mental well-being. Some people might wake early every morning to drink a smoothie and go for a run, and others might organize a weekly poker night with friends.
Whether you use our method or something else, we hope you take the time to find self-care strategies that serve YOU.
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